Parallel lines
by SP12122015
Summary: Parallel lines: Always there, always near, never crossing. This story is an alternate Pinning for lost Loved ones Universe. Full explanation inside. Steve and Natasha, are and were always going to be friends. That is what Steve concluded when he saw this piece of paper. Post AoU, follow Natasha and Steve on a journey of pain and love. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay so all of the first three labeled and the majority of labeled chapter are all the same as the story titled Pinning for Lost Loved Ones. I am writing an alternate universe story by request of TheCaptainSpy. I won't spoil the change and the new chapter five and six are in the works now, in the mean time enjoy my other 6 or so on going Steve and Natasha fanfics. Please R &R. **

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

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 ** _A/N: Some of the opening is very similar to another story I wrote, but this is a very different plot, please read beyond the beginning to really see what the stories like. Please R &R._**

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He sat there mulling over the piece of paper in his hands. He played with the edges of the paper in his hand. He continued to sip his scotch letting the liquid burn the back of his throat before turning into water, no longer affecting him. It was the second time that a small piece of paper burned his hands as he played with, shredded his heart as he read it over and over again. The first was for Peggy's funeral, and the second was this.

She had chosen Banner, and he had helped them get together, he had pushed Banner to take this chance, the chance that he had clearly missed. Despite everything Banner had done to her, she was still off limits. Banner was a friend right? He couldn't move in on Natasha while he was gone, right?

Steve tried whenever possible, between training the new avengers, to help her, comfort her. She was stoic at times, a hard shell, and she pushed him away. He was there, with a warm shoulder, when she just needed to stare out the window and cry. He still wanted her desperately. Yes that was selfish, but it was the whole truth. Ever since the fall of Shield fiasco a little over a year ago, he felt something more for the redhead spy. Of course immediately when we met her he was attracted to her, what guy wasn't? But now it wasn't just a physical attraction it was more than that. He loved her, and he had been dancing around his feelings for her.

In the graveyard he wanted to say 'stay'. The words were caught in his throat and he didn't utter them in time. He respected her need for space, so she could figure out who she was. He knew who she was: a strong, independent, beautiful, loyal, attractive, intelligent woman, but most importantly a hero, not a monster. He could have told her all of that, but what are the chances she would have believed him. She just needed to find that all out on her own first.

When they met again a year later to help hunt down hydra and the scepter, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. But he was also observant to her clear attraction to Banner. He saw the way she flirted with him. He couldn't destroy her happiness, when that's all he wanted. Of course he wanted to be the cause of her happiness, the man of her affection, but he wouldn't destroy it. Seeing that he missed his chance, he pushed Banner to not miss his.

Steve distanced himself from her; it was the only way to remain a coworker without bursting at the seams. 'Romanoff' became the only way for his fragile heart to address her. He didn't continue his lingering glances, he didn't constantly give her his charming smile, only soft nods of acknowledgement.

Nat knew. She could sense Steve being distant. He didn't look at her the same way, like he did a year ago. His glow seemingly faded when he looked at her. He looked aged, pale, and exhausted. He kept up their friendly relationship as coworkers, but nothing more. Their conversations never went beyond 'what's today's training plan' and 'that was a day, they still need work'. He never called her Nat or Tasha or Natasha, just Romanoff or Black Widow or Widow. She missed one of her best friends in the entire world besides Clint. It felt like that year apart wiped away any connection or shared bonds. Oh god how she missed him and his radiance.

After everything with Ultron, Banner disappeared. He broke her heart; that she easily handed over to him. She thought that they had something. They both were afraid of the monsters that they could easily become. They bonded over that and they had all of these intimate moments together. She shared memories and feelings with him that neither Steve nor Clint had been privy too. She begged him to come back, and all for naught.

She shut off her emotions to the outside world. But there were times when she couldn't hold it in anymore. She just needed to cry to let out the hurt that she constantly tried burying. Steve, Steve was always there in a purely leadership capacity. He saw her hurt and need, and he was there with a shoulder for her to cry on. He, like the other team members, stopped asking her questions and trying to comfort her, they gave her the space she requested.

Then Banner came knocking one day. He showed up at the new Avengers facility one day. She tried not to rush back into his arms and forgo any resolve she had built up. But it was all for naught. It took one long look and his rambling apology to cause an eruption of emotions, a flood, to wash over her. She collapsed into his arms. Over the days they rekindled what they had and started to repair their romantic and platonic relationship.

* * *

Now he was staring at her wedding invitation. She was going to marry Banner in a few weeks time. He had seen it coming, despite everything in him that had denied it over and over again. He wanted nothing more that to have her for himself. But he couldn't do that to Banner, and more importantly to her. As he continued to look at the invitation he saw the boxes that he could check, not attending or attending and how many people.

He looked it over a few more times before taking a pen and checking 'not attending'. Closet friend or not he couldn't bear seeing her marrying another man. It broke his heart to see her and Banner get back together, and this was the final straw for him. He got the next morning and posted the letter. He knew he would hurt her by not showing up to the wedding, but this, going there would kill him with pain. He felt okay but distressed about not going. Oh god how he loved her.

* * *

Then two weeks passed, and now he was back at home drinking more scotch thinking about the past few weeks. Natasha's wedding was being planned accordingly, and everything was going according to plan. Then he heard a banging at his door. He didn't have the energy to get up and answer the door. He figured eventually whoever it was, would give up and go away. Nope he had been wrong, because after ten minutes his door flung open. And there was Natasha, as beautiful as ever but also as mad as ever. This could not be good.

"What the Hell Rogers? You think that I wouldn't have seen this? That Bruce would have just taken care of it and that I wouldn't find out. What is wrong with you? This is supposed to be the most important, and happiest day of my life and you weren't going to show up? Let alone tell me to my face."

"Romanoff, it's not like that."

"Then enlighten me, tell me what it's like."

"I just don't…"

"Don't what? Want to be apart of my special day? The whole team is going, pepper and Jane as well and you weren't going to show up. That's a real dick move Rogers."

"Please Romanoff, don't start."

"Just call me Natasha for god sakes and tell me what the hell happened. What made Steve so gusty that he decided to just not show up at my wedding? His friends wedding."

"Romanoff, it's my personal business and I don't want to show up so please leave it at that. That's why you send those cards so that people have the chance to deny coming."

"No that's for everyone else, not my best friend."

"Please Romanoff." He looked long and hard at her and saw her face soften slightly and this is exactly what he feared. She would come asking and he would melt at her feet, do whatever she asked him to. "Look I finally have plans and they conflict."

"No you don't Rogers, stop bullshitting me."

"Stop Romanoff."

"No Rogers, don't do this to me. It's going to be a special day and I want my friends there, I want you there Steve." He wanted to be there to, but he wanted to be the one standing there, in the alter with her.

"Fine."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I'll come."

"And what of your plans?"

"I'll cancel them, your are right, this is more important."

* * *

The weeks seemed to pass even quicker and Steve was getting ready to head to the ceremony. He took his bike and arrived right on time. He took his seat in the front row for the ceremony; he stood and marveled at Natasha's beauty as she walked down the isle with a beautiful white dress that made her emerald green eyes and fiery red head stand out more. He ogled at her beauty and the serenity of the moment.

Natasha walked down the isle and when she saw Steve and her friends she smiled at them, happy that they were here, and apart of her special day. The ceremony progressed and Natasha was more than elated to finally say 'I do'.

When the priest said "All those wishing to object, speak now or forever hold your peace" Steve wanted nothing more than to say 'I object', he wanted Natasha to know what he really felt for her before she married Banner. In his mind the scene played out in his head and he choose not to ruin their special moment. As they said I do, Steve clapped and was ready to get to the reception where he could disappear into the background.

When the reception finally did come, the Avengers were sitting together and talking. They were all so happy for their fellow Avengers. Steve tried to keep up a happy face but it was so hard when he was dying on the inside. The rest of the Avengers they had their partners in life and well here he was alone again. _'Captain America pretending as if he could live without a war to fight, pathetic.' -_ Ultron's words were spinning in his head stuck on a loop. The sad part was that they were true. He went to the bar and got himself a drink, that's when Barton approached him.

"Steve."

"Clint."

"You okay man?"

"Yeah, it's been a long day is all."

"It's hard, I couldn't imagine Laurie marrying another man, let alone a friend of mine." Steve looked hard and long at the archer, and he knew Barton knew.

"Its rough, but it doesn't matter now, I mean its not like we shared anything, she always saw me as a friend, so this heartbreak is unwarranted."

"No its not unwarranted, she may not have acknowledged what you felt for her, but that doesn't mean that your heart can't feel pain."

"Its just so hard Barton because I love her, and I missed my chance for the second time." Barton patted him on the back. He felt bad for Steve, secretly he had hopped that the spy and solider would get together but fate had been cruel to Steve.

"I know Steve." Barton and Steve starred to the dance floor where Banner and Natasha were now dancing among other couples. "Listen you'll move on eventually, but for now Laurie wants me to come dance with her, see you later buddy."

"Yeah." Steve sipped his drink, then got another one and went back to the table to drink more. He added a little Asgardian mead, to make it a little stronger; at least it started to really burn. The song ended and another one came on.

"Hey solider, care to dance with me? Bruce went to greet some guests."

"Sure, Romanoff anything for you." The sick part was that he had gotten dancing lessons in hopes of finally asking her out before Banner returned.

They started to sway to the song and Steve kept wishing that it were their wedding. They flowed with the music and Steve looked like a pro, and like they were the couple at the center of everyone's attention.

"Steve I thought you said you didn't know how to dance."

"I learned, but never got to use the new skills. I waited to long to ask her out."

"Steve it's never too late to take a chance."

"Yeah it is, especially now."

"Oh come on, any girl would say yes, and swoon over you if you just put your self out there."

"Even if it were you?" This had caught Natasha off guard but she recovered quickly.

"Yes." She had never told anyone that she harbored feelings for the solider, but now that she was married it wouldn't make a difference, so why not. Steve had pulled back from her embrace slightly and looked at her, half shocked at what she had just said.

"Natasha, I'm happy for you."

"Thank you Steve, but my job is not yet done, I still have to find you someone."

"You know I thought I found her for a while."

"That's perfect Steve, and what happened?"

"She got married to my friend." What he had said destroyed even ounce of resolve she had left. He couldn't mean her could he? Oh god, what did she do to him. Every wall that had been holding back the tidal wave of emotions crumbled. She couldn't bear to see him here anymore. She pulled back from him and saw the hurt and angst on his face.

"Please leave Steve."

"I…I didn't mean to hurt you, I just, I just finally needed to say it."

"And you choose today, the day of my marriage to tell me?"

"I'm sorry Nat." He looked so sad and lost like a little puppy, especially with those sea blue eyes.

"Steve I want you to leave, please go."

"Fine Nat." And with that Steve let go of her and went to the table grabbing his drink, downing it before leaving. He grabbed his leather over coat and left. He rode his motorcycle out of the place, but not before the rest of the Avengers saw the interaction between the two. Nat rushed to the bathroom, grabbing Pepper and Maria. She needed help and she needed to be out of sight before she ruined her makeup.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

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 **Hey guys so here's the next installment. It's basically a direct continuation. Again please R &R, I love to hear what you guys think and want to happen next. Thanks to all of you who did review and favorite or followed this story that made my day.**

 **When I wrote this chapter I listened to Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran played on strings by Vitamin String Quartet. It helped set the mood and you guys should listen to it when you read the chapter, but you don't have to. The link is below but you can easily find it on YouTube: _watch?v=KfJ229KizSs_**

* * *

He had to keep his mind clear and it was becoming increasingly hard. He felt the affects of the Asgardian Mead and the stress of the whole night was washing over him like a tsunami. 'AAAAAAAH' that was all his mind could think of doing. He screamed out loud into the foggy night, that didn't seem like the solution either. Nothing was working. He driving down the mountain every fiber of his being wanted to turn around and make Natasha his, no mater how selfish it might be.

* * *

She was sitting in her little dressing chamber with Pepper and Maria now. Her closest friends didn't know exactly what happened, but they saw her push Steve away and Steve leave. They were both half holding Natasha as she started to ball. She couldn't hold it in any longer, the tear streaming down her face ruined her makeup but that didn't bother as much as what Steve had said. 'She married my friend.' Oh god how could she not see what Steve felt for her? All those moments together, and the longing gazes while Banner was gone, his constant attempts at helping her. Had she been that blinded by her feelings that she didn't see Steve pinning for her, that he wanted the same things she did.

* * *

He couldn't see straight anymore. On coming cars were a blur every now and then. He steered clear just in time. Nothing seemed harder than keeping his eyes open. His broken heart was crying more and more. Oh god her beauty was captivating and distracting and arousing all at the same time. Without even trying she weakened the solider.

* * *

As much as she cared for Banner, what she felt for the solider went further than that, she truly loved Steve and was in love with him. Pepper and Maria ran their hands over her back and gave her tissues as they tried to calm her.

"What happened Natasha?" Pepper carefully asked.

"I…I was dancing with…with Steve…and then we were talking, harmless stuff at first, then I made a joke about finding him the right partner. He said he found her but waited too long again. I joked back and said that its never too late, and then he said yeah it is…because…because she married his friend."

"Oh god Natasha." Maria tried to sympathize.

"I lost it with him."

"Natasha, its supposed to be your special day, just let it go." Pepper tried to reassure her.

* * *

Steve was rounding a corner and drifted lanes. Wow that car was close, as he swerved out of the way. What the hell were they doing on the wrong side of the road? He blinked several times and inhaled a fresh breath of air trying so hard to stay focused. He flashed back to her walking down the isle. Her face when she heard him say 'she married my friend.' He finally told her how he felt and said told him to get lost, to leave.

* * *

"I told him to leave, to get lost, I thought that what I felt was unreciprocated, childish at best, but he loved me all along and I was to stupid not to see it."

"Natasha, you're happy now let it go, you are with Bruce." Maria tried to Natasha to calm down, assuring her that she made the right choice.

"But now that I know…"

"No Natasha, don't you do that to your self, not today on your wedding. He's an ass for telling you today." Pepper asserted.

"He was drunk or at least intoxicated. I could smell it on his breath. I thought that joking with him was harmless, when I said every girl myself included swoons from time to time over him. But I just gave him a pass to say he loves me."

"Natasha its okay, you have to let it go. Today you should enjoy your wedding and love Bruce." "Yeah Natasha." Maria and Pepper stated.

"He's supposed to be my best friend and I told him to leave, he's supposed to be my rock, and here he is declaring his love for me after all this time on my wedding day."

* * *

The bright lights of on coming cars blinded him and the wind whipping across his face made his eyes water. How much longer could he keep going? How much longer could he keep pining over lost love? Everyday since they reassembled to fight hydra, a part of his heart broke. With Banner gone he regained some hope. Then his heart shredded when he was told the news at dinner that her and Banner were getting married. That what was that that he was heading towards? It looked dark but he was lost and yet somehow sure this was the right way home.

* * *

"It's not okay what he did, but now we have to go back out there and go back to those that we love. Bruce is waiting for you and now Steve's gone so there is no need to worry about what happened." Pepper tried to play the villain here, make Steve look like the bad guy; it was her friends wedding after all. It was so hard though, she cared for Steve, he was like a brother to her, and she knew Steve loved Natasha. She just never said anything, and she felt so bad for Steve, but today she had to feel bad for Natasha, no matter how mad she was at Natasha for breaking Steve's heart.

"Come lets get you fixed up and back out to your special night." Maria said. Then her and Pepper worked to fix Natasha's make up. When they finished her makeup they gave her reassuring smiles and escorted her back to the party. Back into Banners arms as the couple joined for a slow dance.

* * *

Home. It was an odd entity that somehow didn't seem right anymore. 'A different man came out of the ice.' 'I am home on this military base.' These thoughts were swirling in his head driving him insane. 'We can go home Steve, the war is finally over.' 'Come home.' He lost one love when he chose to save millions in World War Two. Now he lost the second love when she said I do and married his friend.

* * *

They were all at the party, dancing and having a good time again. She was in Banners arms and the rest of the Avengers had their partners. They danced and continued to sing. No one heard from Steve, Jarvis never said Captain Rogers has returned home, and no one thought anything of it for now, as they continued to celebrate their friends' wedding, this moment of joy was perfect and they were isolated from the world of alien invasions and death and destruction. If only they knew.

* * *

Steve closed his eyes for one second, and then there was nothing. He felt air rushing all over him. He lost contact with his bike and he couldn't place why, and then he did as he made contact with the side of the mountain. The sound of metal crushing and glass shattering were the last sounds he remembers. Steve's partner rotated between loneliness and death: Tonight it seemed like death was the lucky winner.

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

* * *

Steve could feel the weight of everything on him. It was all a blur and he was staring out into a blanket of whiteness. Peggy was in front of him in her young form again.

"Steve I'm glad you are home, that we are home."

"Peggy? Is that really you?"

"Yes Steve, who else would I be?"

"So it was all a dream?"

"What was?"

"Waking up in the 20th century, the Avengers?" _'Natasha?'_

"Steve, are you okay?"

"I just, it was all so real Peg, and I just…"

"It doesn't matter Steve, we are together that's all that matters." As they embraced the moment faded and she melted from his arms and then the Peggy he had come to know, the old, sickly version of Peggy appeared before him.

"Steve?"

"Peggy, what's going on, why do you look like that?"

"Steve, I'm dead, you need to wake up, don't fall for the tricks, stop your self, return to your world, wake up and find peace with yourself, find peace with your friends and loved ones." Peggy started fading before his eyes again.

"No don't go Peggy."

"Steve wake up, don't follow me, wake up, and go home."

"What do you mean Peggy? Don't go. Peggy!" He was alone again and the white was blinding and seemed endless.

"Steve honey?" Sarah Rogers looked at what she was sure was his mom.

"Mom?"

"Steve, look at you so strong and young." He hugged his mom.

"I miss you mom."

"I know sweetie, but you have to wake up, wake up and go get your girl. Don't succumb to this serenity, wake up honey, we will meet again."

'Go home.' That was all everyone was telling him. But where was home? Better yet where was he. He started to wonder then he felt himself moving and he wasn't physically moving himself so what was going on? He needed to force himself to go home. He needed answers. Steve heard whispers and unfamiliar voices. His vision blurred again before colors started to appear. He saw flashing lights, people all around him, and then two people standing over him.

"We're losing him lets move." One of those voices said, barely audible to him. 'Losing him.' He was right here and he could see them. Then everything was black again, he faded right back into unconsciousness.

* * *

Natasha had tried to enjoy her night and some part of her did. But all of the events were still in part eating at her. As they left the hall and bid good night to all the other guest and friends she felt wrong. She was missing someone, the person she told to get lost. As she and Bruce entered their suite, she could tell he was trying to be romantic to please her and she was really trying to stay in the mood but she couldn't.

"Can we just go to bed? I'm really tired Bruce."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want Nat." He seemed defeated, but the way he had said Nat wasn't right, it was unnerving.

"Thank you." As she crawled into bed and settled down in Bruce's arms everything continued to wash over her. Throughout the night she climbed out of his arms and continued to toss and turn.

* * *

Steve groaned and finally came to several days later. His grogginess was hard to fight. He looked around trying to discern where he was and what had happened. Someone walked into his eyes sight.

"I see you are finally up. We were getting worried that you would never wake up."

"Where am I?" Steve begged. He needed to know.

"You are in the hospital sir."

"What happened to me?"

"You were in a wreck."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you remember? Someone found you on the side of the road, and called it in. You rolled down half the mountain with your bike before finally coming to a stop. Your bike was destroyed."

"No I have no idea of what you are saying."

"Hold on sir, I'm going to go find the doctor." With that the fair-haired lady walked out of the room and he was along again. He couldn't remember what had happened to him and this lady was acting all weird for some reasons. Then the same lady and two other men walked into the room and started to wheel him away. They placed him in some sort of giant metal tube. The loud noise pierced his eardrums. Then he was back in his room.

"Sir, I want to talk to you. I'm your doctor and there are some things you should know."

"Like what, what's going on doc?"

"Well for starters you had 6 broken ribs one punctured your pericardial sac. You have 5 bruised ribs, your right leg was shattered, your left wrist was fractured in both bones, your right forearm was dislocated and you tore your shoulder blade, not to mention the contusions and abrasions covering your body. To be honest I am surprised that you survived the fall, the 6 surgeries you have been though, let alone the fact that you woke up."

"It's that bad doc?"

"Yeah and for some reason you seem to be burning through any medication we give you, so I am sorry but any pain you feel will not be subsided by any drugs we have here. Any idea why that is?"

"Not really."

"Son, do you know your name?" Steve looked perplexed.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, doc what happened? Who am I?"

"It's a mystery to us all son." Whoever he was, there was something different about him and the doctors knew that, the level of brain activity was too high for a normal human, and for to not know who he was, that really worried the doctor. The doctor slowly left the room and left the man to be on his own to process everything that had just happened.

* * *

It had been two weeks since the wedding, Natasha and Bruce had gone on a honeymoon trip to Europe and they had just returned. Natasha tried her best and so did Bruce, but both knew something was wrong and completely off with this whole situation. They were semi-at peace. Meanwhile back in New York Pepper and Tony where hard at work running Start Industries. They reminisced about the wedding, and Pepper had finally come clean to Tony about everything that had happened between Steve and Natasha during the wedding. Tony was as disappointed as Pepper was with Steve and Natasha. Both had caused each other so much pain and agony and both refused to let the other one back into their lives. Tony had been trying to tag Steve since he left the wedding but for some reason he couldn't. The videos around the area were horrible at best and the fog of he night wasn't helping.

"Tony sir I located footage of Captain Rogers." F.R.I.D.A.Y. had announced.

"Queue it up Friday." Tony responded, elated to have finally found footage of him. As the reel played and Tony continued to look he couldn't hold back tears. His friend, comrade in arms, leader, and childhood hero drove off a cliff. Tony could see that he was clearly intoxicated from the Asgardian that he had been drinking all night.

"Oh god! Friday tell me there's more?"

"I 'm afraid not sir. This is the last of the footage of the Captain on the mountain. Video analysis and geographical overlay highlight that the Captain seems to have mistakenly driven off a cliff in the last moments of the footage. The map shows the drop to be about 100 feet, over rough terrain and jagged edges, before finally converging again with the main road into town."

"Are you sure Friday?"

"Yes sir. The probability of anyone surviving that drop, even the Captain is…"

"I know Friday. Could you please get Pepper down here?"

"Right away sir." As he waited for Pepper to arrive he couldn't process what had just happened.

"Tony? What's going on? Friday just called me down here, and said it was urgent."

"Pep, just take a seat and watch this." She so and as the footage cut out, she was left speechless.

"Tony he didn't just…"

"He did Pep, he was intoxicated and drove right off the cliff."

"Could have…"

"Even for Steve it would have been very difficult to survive."

"Oh god no. He can't be. Tony tell me he's alive."

"I don't know Pep, I searching medical entrances for a Steven Grant Rogers now. But as far as I can tell there are no ambulances dispatched to that area, even if he did survive the chances that he bleed out before being rescued or discovered are still high."

"We can't give up just yet."

"I know Pep." Tony searched and searched for the rest of the day, he finally gave up and flew over to the area saw blood everywhere and his crushed bike. He saw torn clothing. If Steve survived it wasn't for long based on the state of the site. There was crime scene tape everywhere, which only pushed him to believe that the state thought whoever this was, was dead.

When he came home, he and Pepper shared a bottle of wine toasting to Steve's memory. The one thing that kept playing through Pepper's head was how was she supposed to keep this from Natasha, and when Natasha found out, how was she supposed to explain it to her.

* * *

Natasha returned later that evening to the tower. Natasha wasn't particularly keen on living in the Avengers tower, she preferred to live on her own or at the Avengers facility, but Bruce loved the R&D portion of the tower and she wanted him to be happy also. When they arrived Pepper and Tony greeted them happily, but she could sense something was off about the two. They were clearly hiding something. As the days rolled passed each other Natasha still continued to worry over Steve and the fact that he hadn't made contact with the team or with shield or anyone for that matter since that night.

Finally Natasha had, had enough of this cold shoulder attitude. She went over to Steve's apartment and knocked first, she knocked and waited for 20 minuets before finally picking the lock and going inside. She looked around the apartment and everything seemed in order expect that foul smell. It was coming form the fridge. When she opened the fridge there was some rotten food there and that had shocked Natasha, she knew something was wrong, because Steve would never have allowed that to happen.

She went back to the tower and couldn't get over the guilt that was eating at her insides. Finally at the end of the week she gave up on this solace and approached Pepper, who for some reason was still acting very weirdly.

"Hey Pepper can I ask you and Tony a favor?"

"Yeah shoot."

"Well, I know that after everything I should try to put this behind me but for some reason I can't and well I just need to know, I just need to talk to him. So can you track down Steve for me?" It was what Pepper had been dreading for so long since she and Tony had found out.

* * *

Steve was starring in the mirror of the small hospital room. It had been almost three weeks and the doctors said by some miracle he was fully healed and ready to be discharged. The hospital warned him though that some things could trigger a panic attack if he's not careful, the crash was pretty traumatic. They referenced him to a physiologist to visit weekly. They sent him into the nearest town to start to adjust to life again. There was legally no way for them to continue to hold on to him, no matter what the doctors really wanted to do. Steve couldn't remember his name or anything about his past or life, but he knew how to function in society that was not an issue. So Steve went to work. He started to work as a lumberjack in the nearby town for some company. They set him up with some money and a place to stay and to Steve everything felt right.

To everyone in town and in his new life he was James Grant and James well because it was generic and no one cared. He took on the name Grant, because well something seemed right about it.

* * *

Natasha watched the film five times before finally turning it off and watching the geographical analysis that F.R.I.D.A.Y. presented. Tony and Pepper watched her fall apart. They tried their best but it was futile. She finally accepted that after everything, Steve, her Steve was dead.

* * *

James was hard working, and gave it his all no matter what it was he was doing. The company loved him because he was the best worker, he cut trees down faster that others and he needed less help moving them. He lived a simple life, a nine to five job. All was right in the world.

* * *

Natasha had retreated into herself again. She lost her best friend, and not just for now, it was forever. Why was life being cruel to me? Was it because of the red in my ledger? Was it because she hadn't done enough to right her wrongs? Was it because she had only killed and tortured all of her life? Or was it worse? Was it because she had been cruel to the one man who didn't have a cruel bone, a selfish bone, in his entire body? Was life showing her what it felt like for Steve to lose her by taking him away from her forever? All of these questions continued to rumble in her mind.

* * *

James didn't stop ever working. With every stroke, hit, and crack of the wood, all of his frustration seemed to seep out. Why couldn't he remember who he was? Why was it so hard to recall what life was like. He put together some things about himself: He had callouses, he had increased strength, duration, and appetite. He obviously did hard work, but was well conditioned, because he was groomed. Maybe he did something with the military.

* * *

Bruce was trying at every turn to comfort Natasha but it was becoming more and more difficult. He felt sorrowful for Steve's death, he was a friend but why was this killing Natasha? I am her husband for crying out loud. I hate to admit it but a small, small silver of me is happy that he's out of her life. I always felt like there was something else there and I constantly felt rage when Steve was with her. No do not judge me, she's my wife; I can be protective of her.

* * *

James just wanted to know who he was. Why was this happening to him? He knew he was lucky to have survived the fall and crash, but he rather have died than wake up with no recollection of who he was. And who was this red head woman that kept flashing though this mind? As far as he could tell he was single, no tan line from a wedding ring, and no information on him when he crashed, no one seemed to be looking for him. So who was she? Why was she flashing through his head?

* * *

Tony and Pepper felt so much grief, despite everything, all the resources that they had at their disposal, they couldn't find Steve, or definitely tell if he was dead. Tony butted heads with Steve often but they always came to a resolution of some type, there were never really hard feelings. Pepper loved Steve like a brother and none of this made any rational sense to her. If only she sent Tony after him when he left. She could have prevented this if just once she told Natasha that Steve loved her. Why didn't she say anything? All that time Steve was there for her and she broke his heart. She wanted so badly to blame Natasha for all of this and a part of her did. Another part blamed her-self, and another part blamed Thor.

* * *

Every time James hit the wood, her face flashed before him. He thought she was hot whoever she was. He just hoped that she wasn't related to him otherwise these thoughts would be sick. As he headed back into town that night he just wanted nothing more than to drown out his sorrows and these thoughts. No one pitied him and there was no room in his complicated life to pity himself.

* * *

Thor blamed himself more than anyone. He knew Lord Steven would not have probably said anything to Lady Natasha had he not been drunk because of his mead. He knew Lord Steven would probably not have driven off drunk or intoxicated if he hadn't had his mead. He had introduced Lord Steven to his mead a while back and it didn't seem to affect him much. When we returned from Asgard a while ago he brought back a small barrel for him as gift. Not once did he think anything like this could have happened. Lord Steven was dead because of him. He went to Heimdell to help gather intelligence of Lord Steven. He wanted to find Lord Steven. Heimdell said that Lord Steven couldn't be found, it only worked if the person was alive and aware of who they were, so it gave Thor the slightest hope, but he never shared this with anyone for fear of false hope.

* * *

James was drinking and trying so hard to end his troubled mind, but it seemed that no matter how much he drank he couldn't get drunk, this was something else that was different about him. He got some looks while downing all of this alcohol, but the bar tender made a lot of money that night.

* * *

Shield had tried to find him when they were informed that he was no where to be found, when they found out that Stark couldn't find him. They went through all digital records, they swept the police department and nearest hospital to the accident. Nothing was turning up. It was all because the town only kept paper records and Shield didn't think about that and it would be too hard to inconspicuously sweep through regular means. They put down missing/dead in the Rogers file for the second time in history.

* * *

The new avengers, Sam mostly toasted to his death and wept for their lost leader. Natasha was second in command and now was the leader with Sam as a second leader. They all knew the team dynamic was different and they all could sense that Natasha was very different. Sam mostly never believed that Steve was dead, but eventually he came to terms with the fact that dead or alive Steve was not returning anytime soon.

* * *

James continued to drink, and a few girls tried to flirt with him and desperately tried to get his attention. One girl had red hair like the women in his dreams and he slightly began to pay her a little bit of attention. They went home that night and James tried to woo her and tried to convince him-self that all was right with the world that this was all right. But he couldn't, he couldn't take this girl without knowing whom the red head in his mind was. What if she was his girlfriend or a fiancé, this would be cheating and he couldn't do that not to her. When he walked away from her and went to his own cabin a little ways out of town he kept thinking of the red head.

* * *

It had been a month since the crash and this time, all of the Avengers and Shield were ready to declare the Captain dead. They gathered in Arlington National Cemetery for the ceremony. He had a grave from before that had been removed and reserved for later, now was later. The Howling Commanders were next to him and Peggy was next to him. For the second time in history they put an empty coffin in the ground to recognize the fall of America's hero. As they went through person by person giving small speeches, and placing their roses on the casket everyone shed tears, even Nick and Coulson and Hill. The rifles went off and everyone walked away from the casket except Natasha. Bruce tried to get her to go but she wouldn't leave yet, and he stormed off. Pepper came behind Natasha and held her. Natasha let go of all of the tears she was holding in.

* * *

Throughout the day James felt something eating at him and he couldn't place the feeling. It was a mixture of regret, loss, and pain. Like he was supposed to be somewhere else and he couldn't figure out where. All over the news papers and radio stations people were holding moments of silence for the fall of America's hero Steven Grant Rogers. He felt bad that this guy had died, from what it sounded like he was a real good person that always sacrificed himself. Shield had hid the details of his death and information of him, but it was still confirmed that this guy had died. He had a fleeting daydream; he could see the red head women in all black crying in his dream. She was standing over a coffin and he was suddenly there with her and he wanted her to stop crying, but she couldn't hear him. James decided that it was finally time he head into the city and go to a military place and figure out if he was in the military, it would be a start to finding out who he was. The structure and the definition and callouses he had didn't come from working in an office all of his life.

* * *

Natasha made daily trips to his grave. She whispered words of sorrow and apologies. 'I'm sorry Steve that I never recognized what you felt for me.' 'I'm sorry for playing with your heart.' 'I'm sorry for telling you to leave.' 'Most of all I'm sorry for telling you and forcing you to come to my wedding.' 'I might not have known how he felt for the rest of my life, I might have had a cold Steve in my life, but I would have had my best friend still in my life.'

* * *

James walked into the therapist's office that Friday and told him what he thought. The doctor thought that I was a good step towards finding out who he was, but to not to get his hopes up. James never told his doctor about the red headed woman that flashed in and out of his mind. He figured out he was good and drawing and drew her face. He figured that even if he wasn't in the military, maybe this woman was, or she was related to someone that was, and he would be able to find her. As James prepped to go to the city he made sure he kept a neat beard and a clean hair cut, still longer and different than when he woke up from the crash.

* * *

As James drove throughout he city he had more and more flashes. Maybe he was from New York City, but the images were of an older city, which seemed weird because there was no way he looked a day over 28. He walked into the recruitment office and asked to speak to an officer.

"What can I do for you?"

"Well I had some questions about the military."

"Are you interested in signing up, because we have a lot of brochures and information on our website."

"Well that's the thing, I think I was apart of the military, but I crashed and when I woke up I had no memory of who I was. Something is telling me that maybe I was apart of the military."

"This is quite the odd request."

"But I need to know Sargent."

"Let me see what I can do." The Sergeant returned a little later and began to fingerprint him, and take photos for an analysis. "I'm going to run this through and see what happens."

"Thank you I appreciate it." When the Sergeant came back he looked perplexed.

"Well?"

"I just…this is weird. Your fingerprints and face scan came back as someone, well someone who was just buried."

"Well as you can see I am alive alright. Who was it?"

"Well its…its uh Steven Grant Rogers."

"Sorry who?"

"Captain America."

"You are joking."

"No I'm not."

"Enough with the pranks Sargent."

"I'm being serious, here look at this."

"I can't believe it."

"Neither can I sir." James walked out of the office with the file in his hand. He couldn't believe what the Sergeant was telling him. He was…Captain America.

* * *

Back at Shield, Nick was working on some paper work before going home for the day. He was altered to something on his computer. A hit came back on someone running and matching Rogers' fingerprints and facial scan. This isn't possible? Or was it? He rushed out of the office and took a jet to New York to the office that ran the test. When he arrived he questioned the Sergeant on duty and got the full story. Steve was in fact alive and he was here in New York.

* * *

In that moment Nick was not the only one that knew Steve was alive, Tony knew. Tony overcome with guilt had hacked into Shield to verify everything that he was told. Ever since the whole New York battle, Stark never fully trusted everything that Shield and Nick told him. Everything that Nick said was taken with a grain of salt. It took Nick almost a year to tell the world that Steve Rogers was alive from the ice so what was to stop the master spy from lying again. He got a ping notification in the middle of the afternoon when he was tinkering with his Ironman suits.

"FRIDAY, queue it up."

"Right away sir." The holograph appeared before them and he saw exactly what Nick had seen. Steve Rogers was alive. Tony had to make a move now, he owed it to Natasha, to himself, and to Steve to save him and help him return to his own world, his rightful place along side the Avengers.

"Get me a location on the data access point FRIDAY."

"Right away Tony." A few minutes later, the AI spoke up again. "Tony the hit seems to have come from an enlistment office here in New York City. Programing the GPS in the corvette now sir."

"Thank You FRIDAY. Now I need you to wipe the file from Shield, shut down their servers, I need to make the contact not Shield, I cant do that if they know where to look for him."

"Yes Sir." And with that Tony left his tower setting out to look for Steve. His friend was alive and he needed to find him and help him, or more like him-self.

* * *

 **Please don't forget to R &R. Thanks , until next time peace love happiness. **


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's that update that I have been sort of holding out on. I am so sorry, college is so time consuming. Sorry. Please R &R.**

* * *

"You're everything to me. Steve I love you. No regrets, no strings attached. I love you Steven Grant Rogers." He started kissing away her tears.

"And I love you Natalia Alianovna Romanova." That night consisted of more than just sex, it was so much more: they made love. They tumbled through the sheets and showered each other with devotion and love. Finally in the early hours of the morning they collapsed together in each other's arms. She was curled into his chest hand laying above his beating heart. His arms draped across her waist, he pulled her possessively towards him. When she finally came to she woke up to an empty cold bed, his lips a ghosting memory over her own. It hadn't been a dream could it have been?

Natasha had startled awake and turned to see Bruce sleeping next to her. He hadn't even noticed that she had a really, really pleasing, bad dream. Those few nights at the Avengers compound when Steve was still alive, he had been her vigilant guardian, he woke up instantly when she did, he soothed her and helped her back to sleep. She may have been in bed with Bruce but it still felt empty and cold. The blood red numbers on the clock screamed 12:32 am. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Tony had sped down town to the military office and circled the area while Friday ran face scans and tried to find out where Steve had wandered off. He finally found him in a gym in Brooklyn of all places. Some things never change do they? He walked into the gym and stopped short at the sight before him. Steve was there, working out, he was alive and well and there. Tony had stood there gawking for several moments.

"Something you need help with?"

"No, No, its just that you look a lot like someone I used to know."

"Yeah who?"

"Steven Grant Rogers, Captain America."

"I've been told that before."

"Yeah? And what makes you thing you aren't him?"

"Nothing its just hard to comprehend."

"I couldn't even imagine trying."

"You are?"

"Tony, well really Anthony Stark, Iron Man, we were teammates."

"I think that I remember some how. Gold and red suit of metal or something, snarky attitude, never listen to commands." Stark could care less about being dissed by Steve right now, he was happy Steve was alive and in someway knew him.

"Yeah, Yeah that's me. So you remember something right?"

"I guess."

"Do you think you want to go back to that life?"

"Maybe, I mean I would like to know who I am and if that's something I'm passionate about then yeah I think I would."

"How about you come back to the Avengers Tower with me and we try to jog your memory, fill in gaps and let you test the waters."

"I want to know who I am. So I'll come."

"Great, car's right outside."

They traveled back to the tower in silence and then he lead Steve up to his floor and got ready to start helping Steve. He made sure no one knew Steve was here. If Steve wanted to walk away then he had to make it as easy as possible. He just didn't expect Pepper at home waiting for him.

"Tony, honey I got done early so I just came back and I was hoping that we could…" She stopped when she saw Steve walk off the elevator with Tony.

"Pepper I need you to stay calm and just give me a moment to explain what it going on."

"Stark start talking."

"I found him, he went into a military office and ran his prints, I found him and I am offering him the chance to jog his memory and maybe come back to the Avengers." Pepper took a moment and looked hard and long at Tony before accepting his warnings. She looked to Steve.

"Steve, I'm so happy that you're alive, that you're here, we all thought you were dead, we, I missed you so much." She walked hesitantly towards him and then he hugged her as she inched closer.

"I remember you well, Pepper. I still don't know how you tolerate and love Stark there. I hope you two didn't tie the knot while I was gone."

"Hey I'm still here guys, and no we haven't gotten married just yet Steve."

"Steve, I've missed you so much. I'm so happy that you're alive; Natasha might be the only one to best me in my excitement. You remember her right?" Pepper looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry who?"

"Natasha, the red head, Black Widow, the women that you love."

"I'm afraid that I don't know who she is? She's an avenger?"

"Steve she's been your partner since you've been defrosted, joined the avengers and joined shield."

"I'm going to have to trust you on that, but I really don't know who she is." Pepper and Tony looked at each other, then back to Steve.

"Why don't we get you started on old war footage, my dad saved all of it and half forced me to watch it all growing up."

"Okay, I mean I can just chill here on the sofa right?"

"Did you just say chill?"

"Yeah, its common terminology right?"

"Yeah, but you never say any slang words. You're always so prim and proper."

"Tony stop it, leave him alone and just start the footage." As footage began to play, Tony and Pepper stepped away to talk.

"You know that once Natasha knows he's alive, she's going to be crushed that he doesn't remember her. Tony we have to help him remember her."

"I'm not sure I can do that to him Pepper. I could never imagine losing you to someone else, let alone you marrying someone else. He lost the only two women he's ever loved, and it almost cost him his life both times. If I remind him of that, I don't think I could live with myself. I think maybe if he doesn't naturally remember her, it might be in his heart's best interest to not force him to remember."

"We'll talk about this later Anthony." They stayed up till three in the morning, that's when Steve finally gave in to sleep. He passed out on their couch and they went to their room. When they woke up at eight, they were pleased to find the solider still sound asleep exactly where they left him.

They began to prep breakfast, making a big meal for them and their guest. As they finished setting up the table Steve woke up with a start, falling off the couch. He was on the floor looking up at Tony and Pepper who had rushed over when they heard the thud.

"Steve are you okay?" Tony said as he offered him a hand.

"Yeah, no I'm fine, guess I just lost my footing so to speak." As they sat their eating breakfast, in a comfortable silence, guilt ate away at Tony. It seemed like no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was all his fault. It was like walking on eggshells, anything could help Steve, but anything could also set him off.

"So Steve after all of that World War Two footage and such, do you remember any of that or anything in general?"

"I mean it was so weird thinking about it, I sort of remember. Its more like flashes more than exact memories."

"Well that's a start Steve, right?"

"Yeah." He looked so glum and down, faded and aged, here before me was Steve Rogers, just a kid from Brooklyn, not Captain America, with a perfect attitude and persona.

"You alright, you look down in the dumps?"

"Well Tony, I just can't help but wonder, what made me drive off the cliff, I mean something happened right? What if I start to remember and I become disgusted with who I was?"

"Steve you were a good man, and you always will be. You only made tough calls when it was absolutely necessary."

"Thanks Tony and you too Pepper, I don't know where I would be right now if it weren't for you." The rest of breakfast passed in a tense silence. Tony and Pepper began to clean up and think about what they had done.

The sun had long since set, and the whole day had been spent watching more footage, and answering any questions Steve might have had. They were now watching the footage of the battle of New York, when it happened. Steve had collapsed onto the ground. He was shaking uncontrollably. Nothing seemed to stop him. Tony and Pepper looked at each other and in that moment they knew what they had to do.

"FRIDAY, get Doctor Banner up here now!" They looked at each other and tried to hold Steve's neck still.

"Tony what happened?"

"Brucie we need you to help him."

"Oh my god? Steve? He's alive?"

"Bruce questions later, help now. He just collapsed and started seizing."

* * *

Bruce was so conflicted in that moment. The man that had caused Nat so much pain, his wife so much pain, the man that had singlehandedly ruined all love in his marriage, we dying in front of him. He could let him die, and nothing would change. Damn that doctor ethical promise.

"Tony get three pillows and get a band of some type. Then get your armor on, he may need to be restrained. " Tony and Pepper scrambled and followed Banner's directions. Finally at 2 am Steve was stable. Banner left immediately. Tony sat at his bedside continuously, he monitored various brain scans: Steve's brain was lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Nat?"

"No Steve, its me its Tony." Steve pushed himself up in bed. At least he was awake right?

"Tony, what happened?"

"What's the last thing that you remember Steve?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all of my lovely readers. So I know that right now I should be thanking my lucky stars that you are willing to read this update. I am sorry I have almost disappeared off of fanficiton. My first year in college has really been kicking me. I am really sorry and I loved everyone of your reviews. Please R &R and forgive me. As the semester comes to an end I will be updating my stories more. And OMG CIVIL WAR UH the feels, why must we wait any longer. **

* * *

The lights burned his heavy eyes. He could only remember flashing images. It all seemed so far away and yet it appeared so close. This person was at his side and he wished he could say something, do something.

"Nat?" Wait who's that, why did I say that?

"No Steve, its me Tony." Steve pushed himself up in bed.

"What happened Tony?"

"Steve what's the last thing that you remember?"

"I…I remember a wedding, and a hospital, but not this one."

"Steve take it easy. Relax. Steve, you are recovering from a heart attack."

"I…I'm Steve Rogers, Captain America."

"Yeah you are. What else do you remember?"

"I know who I am Tony. I just I don't remember how I got here. I remember waking up in a hospital and not really remembering who I am. Then nothing, I woke up here."

"Steve, you lived for months as a regular person, and suddenly when we believed that you were dead you showed up at an army recruitment center. Steve you didn't remember anything and now all of sudden you do."

Steve spent the rest of the day recovering and when nightfall came he was discharged and brought back to the stark tower. Steve settled back onto his old floor. He looked around and was surprised to find his bedroom door ajar. He knew someone had been in the room recently. Then he caught the glimpse of copper that flashed.

"Excuse me. Can I help you?" The person turned towards him, clearly startled by his presence. When she turned to him, her beauty took him aback, but he noticed the faint streaks on her cheek, clearly she had been crying recently.

"Steve?" He nodded his head slightly. "Is this some sick joke? Who are you? Did Tony put you up to this?"

"I don't know what you mean. I do know that Tony didn't put me up to anything, I'm Steve."

"There is no way that you are him. He's dead, we buried him days ago."

"I know that it was an empty coffin lady, and I'm him."

"Lady! Steve, you know who I am. We were partners for so long. We…I…I missed you so much. I loved you."

"Loved? As in past tense?"

"I've never told you that before that and I never thought that I was good enough for you. I was always afraid that me saying that would ruin our friendship, and I never worked up the courage."

"You out of my league clearly it's the other way around. And loved me? You are the one that married someone else. You walked away from me when I held my heart on my sleeve. I may have been gone for a while, lost my memory, but I know that right now you are the one that rejected me. I remember everything up until my accident."

"Steve?"

"Please leave. I need to be alone right now." She walked up to him and looked him straight in the eyes and stood on her tiptoes as she leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. Her hand splayed across his chest and her other hand cupping his cheek. She left him stunned and out of breath.

Natasha returned to her rooms to find Bruce sitting on their bed. He looked very worked up and honestly after the day she had, she didn't need his pity or petty attitude.

"Natasha, I have something to tell you."

"What's up honey? You know that I am always there for you."

"I, there is just…something happened today and I want to tell you and I just don't know how." The tension in his shoulders emanated like a pulse, disrupting everything in its path.

"Just take a deep breath."

"It's Steve…"

"What about him?"

"He's alive, and he's here."

"I, uh know."

"How?"

"I ran into him on my way down, I got off on the common floor and there he was." Even if it was a lie, Bruce didn't really have to know.

"I see." They sat there in an awkward silence for a while. "I need to go for a walk." And just like that Bruce had left her again.

In the following days, he began to remember what had happened to him over those few months. He started to put together his life and slowly he realized that he was lost and broken and suddenly he felt worthless. Why would anyone want him, a man out of time, trapped in a 24-year-old body. He through himself into training and tried to work out the pain but nothing seemed to help.

"HEY HEY STEVE-OOOO!"

"What do you want Stark? And never call me that in your entire life again, are we clear?"

"Alright cranky pants calm down old man. I came to tell you that big boss man fury found out that you were here and he's on his way to 'commandeer you'."

"Fine." Stark left and then Steve went to shower and that's when he saw her again. In nothing but a fluffy white towel, and sure nothing was really showing, but she look so simple and regal and her hair was a damp red curly mess that he just wanted to tangle his hand through. He ducked his head and went straight into the shower stall, he need a really long cold shower. When he finished he went upstairs to the conference room. Shortly afterwards Fury walked in.

"Nice to know you're still kicking Rogers."

"Sir."

"What the hell did you think was going to happen once the internet found out about you?"

"I just, I was confused and lost and Stark. He found me and I just wanted to really know who I was and this was just overwhelming. I didn't think that it would blow up in my face like this."

"Rogers, the world needs Captain America, the avengers need Captain America. He's the symbol of hope and purity in America, and you can't just let me him die because you want a day off."

"Day off, is that what you think. I was drunk and drove off a cliff FURY. I almost DIED, I didn't know who I was and apparently I spend months away not knowing who I was. And you think that I wanted a day off!"

"Rogers, I am your commanding officer and I am COMMANDING you to stand down and return to work as Captain America."

"You are not in charge of me because right now there is no SHIELD, and therefore there is no relationship between us."

"Why don't you take a few more days to recover and gather yourself and your respect for those in charge of you. Then you can return to work immediately."

"I don't think so Fury, but please see yourself out."

The nerve of some people. I just can't deal with him; who does he think he is? Does he honestly think that I just took a day off? I needed to collect myself, maybe go for a ride. I took my bike out and just drove, no destination in mind. When I finally stopped I realized that I did have destination clearly. I was at the site of my crash. I looked at the rails that were clearly newer than the rest, a shiny metallic between the rusted brown ones. There was a ribbon tied to the stake. I knelt down and said a prayer. I needed to come to terms with the fact that I was Steve Rogers the man with the plan, Captain America. I am doomed to always do the right thing for others before myself. My happiness is nothing compared to that of the country. I drove back to Brooklyn; to what they say should be my home but ultimately no longer was that. My home was with the avengers a supposedly makeshift team of what had become my family. But right now I couldn't feel further from them.

Steve still hadn't returned since Fury pissed him off. I was really getting concerned. But right do I have to be concerned beyond a teammate for him. I…He doesn't belong to me, and I'm a married woman right? I shouldn't care how he sees me or feels about me. I turned over to see Bruce sound asleep. We were clearly having difficulties. I don't know how many times we had attempted intimacy only for one of us to pull away before anything really happened. Often I felt like I was betraying someone else and he always said the other guy was just two destructive. I slipped out of bed and went down to the common room. I looked out into the night sky. The ceiling to floor windows were quite amazing and the lights of the skyline without the noise of cars created a majestic site, romantic even. I sat in silent and began to reflect on all of these moments of my life. They were all so defining and destructive and I didn't know what god, if there was one, had in mind for me anymore. The elevated dinged and I turned to see him walk off.

"Steve?"

"Natasha, what are you doing up so late?"

"Rambunctious mind. You?"

"Sleep if for the weak right?"

"Yes." I couldn't help but stare at him. He was still the same man I fell in love with, the man that had broken through all of walls without even trying. The man that had given me his heart, only for me to destroy it like everything good in my life.

"I'm heading up in a few, sorry to intrude on your moment, I just needed something to drink, it's been a long day."

"So I've heard. Talking back to Fury, man something most of snapped in you."

"Yes it did. I lost everything and I come back and I'm told to man up and fight for what I believe in, pick up the shield because it's what America wants Captain America to do. But what about what Steve Rogers wants?"

"What does Steve Rogers want?"

"I don't know anymore. 70 years ago, I wanted to fight for what's right, rid the world of its bullies. But I also wanted to retire find a wife, settle down have kids and the whole white picket fence. But now, now since I've come out of the ice, I just want to belong, and find someone who knows me as me Steve Rogers, not Captain America."

"That's a tall order in this modern age."

"Trust me I know. I know it's selfish to want it but it's all I want now." I started chuckling at his comment. He persisted "What is so funny Romanoff?"

"Nothing it's just that…well like every other school girl out there, I just..."

"You what?"

"I feel victim to the charm that is Steve Rogers. Imagine what it must feel like to know what you want is only out of hands reach. Unlike all of the other women out there I get to work with the idol."

"Only out of hands reach? You wanted this as much as I did? I know you said you were never worthy, but then why not stop me. If you knew, if you are as great a spy as you proclaim, then why not stop me before I fell completely in love with you. I fell so hard and you just ripped my heart out."

"Steve I never…"

"Knew? Yeah right Romanoff. You expect me to believe that you were so blinded by my charm and our friendship that you never thought that there might be more."

"Steve please don't do this?"

"Do what? Make you feel guilty for ruining me?"

"Yes…" I feebly replied.

"After our year apart, I thought that I was just imagining our friendship and these feelings that were just consuming. I just couldn't escape my thoughts of you. And the few times I almost dialed your number, I remembered your words 'the truth is a matter of circumstance, I'm not all things to everyone all the time'. I thought what if I was just imagining these small gestures. What if it was all a ploy to get close to me?"

"Why didn't you call Steve? I'd never do that to you."

"I don't know if I can believe that. When we came back there you were, throwing yourself all over Banner and then I just knew, I knew we had missed our time if anything I thought was true. But then he left you and I just wanted to help you. I just wanted my friend Natasha back."

"Steve?"

"I stayed by your side, I helped you and I tried to make you feel better at every turn, it was all so that I could be your confidant. But along the way I was reminded of what made me love you in the first place, what made me fall in love with you."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's not my fault we didn't end up together. I had the perfect date set up and the night was planned down to the minute and then as I was getting ready to surprise you, you came to my door and said you were off to meet Banner that he was back."

"That night when you were in a tux in your room? You were coming to get me?"

"Yes Natasha I was. I was finally ready to put everything on the line, our friendship everything, if it meant that you finally knew how I felt. But when you came back so happy and excited I knew I missed my chance. I just knew that I was wrong."

"And for those months before Banner and I got married, you were just dying, holding your tongue? Why didn't you fight for me?"

"I just wanted to see you happy Nat. If I wasn't the reason for it, I could suffer in silence."

"And when you didn't want to come to the wedding, you were just bowing out?"

"Yes. I just knew something bad would happen if stood there and saw you walking down the aisle to meet another man."

"Oh god Steve. This is all my fault isn't it? I'm so sorry. I just I am really sorry." I began to cry. I knew now how he felt, I knew now that I was the reason he was suffering, why he almost died. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me. I only leaned into his grasp. His scent and warmth were intoxicating.

"Nat it's not your fault only. It's really my fault for bottling it up." He was looking down at me and I was looking up at him and suddenly I just knew. I knew that if there was a god, he would want us to love and be happy. I leaned up on my tiptoes and just kissed him. I wanted to savor the moment. But Steve had other ideas. He responded and pulled me tighter. His hands ran down my back and pressed under my thighs lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me up the two flights of stairs to his floor. He laid me down on his bed and we slowly removed every barrier between us and passion. I just wanted this moment.

When my eyes opened I realized I was still in Steve's bed and the sun was just starting to peak out from behind the skyline. I turned over in Steve's embrace and angled up my head to kiss him. He murmured good morning.

"Natasha we, last night, was just…"

"You mean just an hour ago was brilliant?"

"Yes, but…"

"Mmh No buts." I silenced him with a kiss.

"Nat, Bruce?"

"Right. Moment killed." I rolled away from him and started to get dressed.

"Nat don't just walk away."

"No you are right Steve. I am married and I should be returning before things get worse with Bruce."

"The old me would die right now for having slept with a married woman. But I hope it's not too late to still fight for you, the woman who has my heart, the woman that I am 100% in love with?"

" _I didn't think it would be so hard to love._ "

" _I didn't think god would be so cruel and have me love a married woman."_

" _You know Russian Steve?_ "

"Yes."

"I need some time to really think about what I've done. And what I want. I owe it to Bruce to try and make it work."

"Of course, but know that I am waiting, but how much longer I don't know. I can't go insane waiting Nat." He lifted a hand to my face stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I know Steve. Our imperfect timing."

"I want you to work out your marriage more than anything. But I also don't want to be the reason it ends. Why don't we not talk outside of Avenger business. In a week from now, meet me at the Empire State building at 7 pm if there is anything worth exploring, I'll be waiting for my answer. If you don't come, then I know what it is."

"Steve, isn't that a little melodramatic?"

"No, it's a promise to us working out only because we are meant to not because of a last resort or because of false hopes, or any of us running away from our problems."

"Fine deal."

"I love you Natasha." He leaned down and kissed me one more time as a promise to a better life.

"Me too Steve."

I left, though regrettably, from Steve's room. I walked up the remaining steps to mine and Bruce's floor. I snuck into our bed room and as I walked over to our bed. Bruce sat up glaring.

"Where were you Natasha, as your Husband I demand to know."


	4. Chapter 4 (Yes it's an UPDATE)

**Here's my update. Thanks for reading and sorry for the delays. I am really trying to get back into writing now that school's over. Thanks for all of your well wishes and reviews and patients with my slow to almost nonexistent updates. Side note anything spoke in "…" denotes Russian from now on.**

* * *

Natasha's P.O.V.:

Natasha held Bruce's gaze for a few seconds. She needed to get her story straight. She needed to make sure that she kept her promise to Steve. She had to make sure she tired to make this work with Bruce. God it was going to be so difficult.

"Bruce, honey, you are up so early. Everything okay?"

"No, no it is not."

"Hon, what's going on?"

"You tell me you are the one sneaking back in here at 6 in the morning."

"Bruce, I couldn't sleep last night. I spent the night mulling things over with some vodka then I was in the gym working out. You know how those PTSD dreams get to me from time to time."

"Why are you lying to me?" He stepped towards her, backing her against the wall.

"I'm not, I'm telling you the truth babe." She looked at him, holding his gaze. It's not like it had been a complete lie, but then again it's not the whole truth. She needed this to work. She hated lying to him, but she couldn't help it.

"I don't believe you."

"What can I do to make you believe me? I'm telling you the truth."

"I…I…I'm sorry Natasha. I don't think I can do this." He backed away from her towards the bed and stumbled down.

"Bruce? Bruce honey, what, what is going on? What do you mean you can't do this? Do what?"

"This, us, I can't keep playing jealous husband. I mean I can't keep doing this with you."

"Hon, relax you don't know what you are talking about."

"I do Natasha. You don't honestly think that I, that I don't see the way Steve has been staring at you."

"That doesn't mean anything to me because you are the one I married."

"And if you had known Steve loved you, was willing to give you and him a shot at a relationship, would you still have married me?"

"I care for you of course I would have still been with you."

"Care? I'm your husband."

"Bruce please. I want what we have to last."

"I can't do this. I need space." Just like that Bruce got up grabbed a coat and left. Natasha fell onto the bed. She was in essence being released. Isn't this exactly what she wanted? She wanted Steve, and now she was being released, free to go to him. Is this what is meant to happen. She couldn't think straight anymore.

"FRIDAY?"

"Yes Agent Banner."

"FRIDAY I didn't change my name, stop that, it's Romanoff."

"Sorry Agent Romanoff. What can I help you with?"

"Where is Agent Rogers?"

"He is currently out of the building, didn't say where he was going." She needed help; she needed to talk to a friend.

"Clint is he here?"

"Yes Agent Barton is currently in the training rooms working on archery."

"Thank you FRIDAY." She changed into work out clothes and made her way down stairs via the elevator. She saw him through the glass and made her way there. She picked up a bow and walked over to the lane next to him. She knocked her arrow and lined up her shot. She released and exhaled.

"Nat?"

"Clint."

"What's going on Natasha, come on we both know you never knock arrows without something serious going on."

"Am I really losing my touch, or are you just that good?"

"Nat I've known you for years, I am just that good."

"Clint I don't know what to do anymore."

"What happened?"

"Bruce, he, uh, he walked out just now. He said he couldn't do this anymore, be with me and he, he left."

"Jesus." He stared at me carefully for a while. "What else happened?"

"Nothing."

"Come on Nat, I know you, what aren't you telling me."

"I, last night I wasn't feeling good. I was scared and lost and seeing Steve alive stirred up old feelings. And the nightmares, I was in the lounge and he showed up and we started talking and then I…we…"

"Nat what happened?"

"We, we slept together."

"What?" she was breaking down, her eyes closed and she felt so spaced out.

"I slept with him, I took him and the one thing that was precious to him."

"Nat, I'm sure it wasn't exactly like that. I know Steve, he wouldn't have unless he was sure that this was something you both wanted."

"I'm a married woman, so not only did I take that from him, I made him do that with a married woman, a good catholic man like him, he must be devastated. How horrible am I do have done this to him? Clint what's wrong with me?" Clint pulled her into a hug and held her close. He rubbed her back slowly and softly.

"Natasha you are going to be fine, Steve is going to be fine, your marriage with Bruce will not suffer because of this."

"But Clint, Steve, he confessed to me how much he loves me and wants me. He has it all set, one week the empire state building. And Bruce when I got there its like he knew, and he was questioning me and he walked out. I don't know what to do."

"Natasha, its okay to be scared, to feel lost."

"I feel so conflicted Clint. I feel like maybe this is a sign to try and be with Steve but at the same time I feel like if I give up now, I'm not honoring my promise to Steve."

"I think you need to think this over, maybe come with me to the farm for the week. Really take things slow, get some clarity and follow your heart. I'm headed out later today. Come with me Natasha."

"Yeah, you know what that sounds great Clint. Thank you for always being there for me."

"It's what friends do." She nodded into Clint and started to relax for the first time in a week. She left him a few minutes later to go to her rooms. She needed to pack up.

She grabbed her bags and went to the departing bay. As she made her way there she saw Bruce and Steve. Crist she was in trouble. She saw them talking and didn't need to get involved for now, she wanted to be discrete and disappear. Of course plans never go as planned.

"Natasha!" She turned begrudgingly. It was Bruce.

"Bruce?"

"Where are you going? I'm leaving with Clint, time for a family visit. I'd ask you to come with me but I have a feeling that you are still a little on edge from this morning."

"No, no, I'm fine. We are fine right?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah." He grabbed her shoulder and started to pat her.

"I don't know. You really hurt me this morning. I, I was really worried when you left and said you can't do this anymore."

"You know I didn't mean any of it, come on you know me babe?"

"I'm not sure that I do."

"This is bull, you have got to be kidding me."

"I want this to work, hon really but right now I think I need to take some time to think things over."

"Let me come with you, we can bond and restart make sure we are where we are." She looked to Clint, who was watching from the cockpit and he nodded slightly. And she nodded at Bruce. "Great let me just get a few things from the room and we can leave. 5 minutes tops."

"Okay." Bruce leaned forward and kissed her cheek. As Bruce walked away she made her way to the jet but not before she caught Steve out of the corner of her eye.

"Natasha?" She knew it was coming.

"What happened to our deal Steve?"

"I know this is about work actually."

"Yeah? What's going on?"

"Fury has a mission for us a.s.a.p. we need to meet him go over some stuff and plan it out, do some training for our covers."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Steve was refusing to make eye contact, which was something that threw her.

"I suppose it's not urgent because he would be banging down the door if it were urgent."

"Yeah, that's true. Listen I just wanted to apologize for putting you, us, in a compromising position."

"It's, it's, uh okay Steve. Listen I'm going to take a few personal days, try to work things out. Ill be back to give you your answer and uh, then we will start training."

"Yeah, sounds good. Hey Nat, whatever happens, whatever you choose, you are my friend first, and I really want what we had as partners and co-leaders to be preserved at all costs."

"Of course Steve." She reached to touch his forearm. He shrugged back and looked sad.

Bruce showed up as soon as Steve walked away. He looked at me and gave me a small stare before kissing my cheek. I grimaced and we boarded the jet. Clint took the pilot shift and then started to program the Quinjet. He was clearly focused on more then the jet when his eyes kept drifting to me. Bruce was meditating in the back of the jet.

"Hey guys sit tight we should be there in an hour." Clint announced from the front. He put the jet on autopilot before moving away from the seat towards me.

"Thank you Clint for bringing me."

"Of course…do you think its wise to bring Bruce?"

"Yes. If things are going to crash and burn it should happen with us together, not with small ifs and unanswered questions."

"Okay…so what are you guys going to do?"

"Well, I am here for the kids, but maybe we can try and bond and repair the damage from our latest fight."

"As you wish, I'll try to kept Laura out of it as much as possible."

"Thank you."

Natasha had one goal for the next seven days. Repair her marriage as best as possible and make a choice: Steve or Bruce. Once they landed Bruce grabbed the bags and walked closely to her. They made there way to the house and were quickly bombarded by Cooper and Lila.

"You brought auntie Nat and uncle Bruce?"

"Why yes he did." Natasha dropped down to pick up the kids in a hug.

They made there way inside and entertained the kids for a few hours, had dinner then they got settled upstairs in the guest room that was really Natasha's room. They came back down to join Laura and Clint for a few drinks by the fireplace. They kept casual conversations and kept it light and airy.

"Alright it think its time we call it a night what about you?" Clint stated.

"Yeah sleep sounds good." Natasha confirmed. The two pairs made their ways upstairs to their respective rooms. Natasha crashed immediately and curled up into bed. She felt the bed depressed and Bruce got in. But he stayed on his side and never made a move to pull Natasha closer. 'So much for getting closer right?' she thought.

When she came to the next morning she found Bruce was already out of bed, clearly for a while because it was cold next to her. She felt around for her phone and looked at the time: 7:00 am. 'Great…Five days. She had five days to decide.' Just then Bruce walked out of the shower.

"Hey."

"Hey Nat. I didn't know you were awake. Sorry I used all of the hot water."

"Guess I should have joined you."

"Yeah, guess we missed our chance."

"Did we?"

"Natasha, why were you coming here without me?"

"Bruce you said you needed space that you couldn't do us anymore. So I took your words to heart as your wife and I sought out Clint. I needed a friend to talk to. Clint, he said come out here for a few days clear my head and figure out what I want."

"Then why let me come at the last minute?"

"Because part of me wanted to believe that you were sorry that you wanted to still be us."

"I did."

"And now?"

"I..uhh…spending the night with you reminded me of how cold this relationship has become. Its both of us and we are no longer the same people we were when we started this relationship. I have hurt you so much, and you have hurt me back and I just don't think this is a relationship worth saving anymore." She reached up and cupped his face and gave him a soft kiss to lips. She needed to just see if there was anything emotionally there anymore. When they parted she just knew. These two monsters just weren't good for each other anymore.

"So this is good bye?"

"Yeah, I mean we are still teammates and I hope we can still work together to save the world but ill be moving into the tower fulltime and working in the labs."

"Bruce…for what its worth, I did love you and want this, I really did think this was my shot at a future."

"I know, I am sorry to break your heart Natasha." With that she got up to give Bruce his space and made her way downstairs. She was free; she could be with Steve after honestly trying to be with Bruce. She saw Clint and went to him immediately.

"Its over Clint."

"What is?"

"My marriage. I…we came to the collective decision that there was nothing left worth saving. We had done so much damage to each other now that we should just part ways and try to be friends."

"Wow. And how do you feel about that?"

"Free."

"Free?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Free to choose someone that maybe I have been so in love with deep down for so long that I was just running from it."

"You mean?"

"Yeah. Five days from now I get to tell him so."

"Wow."

"I know. Can you do me one more favor?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone and take Bruce home for me."

"Yeah. Anything for you." Clint went to get ready and got dressed. He returned a few minutes later with Bruce in tow. Clint went to the jet to get set and Bruce had his final goodbye with Natasha.

"Bruce here." Natasha removed her rings and handed them to Bruce.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, they were a great momenta to our time, but it would hurt to much to keep them, maybe one day you will find another girl to give them to."

"To be honest they were from my first attempt at a proposal and when it never happened I figured I'd give them to the woman I marry." With that he left. Natasha continued to drink her coffee until Laura came down, the kids still in bed.

"Hey."

"Morning Laura."

"Where are Clint and Bruce?"

"Gone. He's flying home."

"Why? I thought it was, that this was your great escape to be a couple?"

"It was a last ditch effort, we were having troubles for a while."

"And are you okay?"

"Honestly yeah. I…I mean we haven't been intimate in over a year and for the past year it was just so forced and now with Steve back Bruce seems jealous and more aggravated and ultimately he said it was time to let it go."

"Wow."

"Yeah." They sat in comfortable silence for a while now.

"So Steve?"

"Yeah and?"

"I understand enough of Russian now to know what you were talking about the man you love and going home to him in a few days."

"You heard?"

"Yeah and to be honest, thank god it took you long enough Natasha to find out that you were in love with Steve. You know when I found out about Steve telling you at your wedding it was him that I felt bad for. He watched you walk down the isle to another man to get married and if it were up to him he wouldn't have been there. I don't mean to guilt you or be rude and down on just now following everything but he was pretty obvious about his feelings and it was heart wrenching to see everything that has happened to him."

"I understand where you are coming from, and to be honest that is what I feel too. Given everything that has happened yeah, I do feel bad for him and that's why I am so happy to go to him on Friday and just finally have him as mine."

"I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you."

"So since you are not here with Bruce like you originally planned then what are you going to do?"

"Well originally I was going to ask for your advice spend time with the kids and see what to do about my situation but since that has cleared up, I guess just decompress and spend time with Lila and Cooper."

"Well, you are welcome to spend time with us. But uhh one question; how are you going to go to Steve?"

"Well in all honesty, he was the one who asked it."

"Okay spill."

"Well I was up with PTSD and just mulling over the fact that he was alive. Then we started talking and we ended up confessing to some unresolved emotions and that well that…resulted in us spending the night together."

"Ooo la la."

"Yeah it was something, something so pure and innocent and full of emotion, something I never shared with Bruce. When we woke up the next morning we realized the gravity of our decision and then we well really he came to the choice to give me a week to salvage my marriage with Bruce. He said he would wait at the empire state building at 7:00 if I showed well of course that meant I wanted him and if I didn't he understood that I was still married to Bruce that I was staying loyal to my marriage that I was surrendering my chance with him."

"Natasha that is so romantic." Laura squealed.

"I know. I know and I am so happy that we was willing to let me figure things out and save my marriage first."

"So enough guy talk, I here feet moving upstairs. What do you want for breakfast?"

"How about I help make pancakes."

"Sounds good." And for that morning and the following days it was peaceful and it was domestic for Natasha. She was ready for the next chapter of her life and for once it felt good. She was quick pack on Friday morning. Her and Clint were packing to return for the next few months. She had work to do, Steve to see and SHIELD stuff to settle.

As she boarded the jet Clint grabbed her bags and moved to store them. Christ she was so nervous. And at the same time she was so happy and almost school girl like in her giddiness.

"So are you ready for this?"

"Yeah, yeah I am Clint."

"I'm happy for you Natasha." They took off quickly and before she knew it they were landing on the roof of the Avengers facility. She had five hours before she had to meet Steve. Of course she didn't mean to go looking for him but ended up looking for him, only for Sam to tell her he was gone, had been for three days.

Natasha moved to her room and put he stuff away. She felt her fingers and the missing weight of the rings didn't seem to bother her. She searched her closet for something elegant and simple at the same time. She found it finally. It was a knee length dress, black with side cuts and a deep neckline. She donned a simple single diamond necklace and earrings. She grabbed her stilettos and flats. Five o'clock she had to get going to get to the Empire State building on time.

She was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic and it was killing her patients she didn't want to be late to meet Steve. Everything was riding on this. As she finally got into the city and saw the Empire on the horizon her phone started buzzing. She saw it was Tony. What did he need right now?

"Tony?"

"Natasha thank god that you picked up."

"What happened Tony?"

"Bruce…he uhh he's in critical condition."

"What happened?"

"We were doing some experiments and then he went to do something and I found him bleeding out on the floor of the labs."

"Natasha he needs you."

"I have…"

"Natasha you need to be there. He needs you. He may not make it. We're at NYU Langone." With that the line went dead. She was half way across the city from NYU and Steve at the Empire at the same. It was a choice she had to make, be the dotting ex-wife, friend, teammate, and ex-lover or be the free woman and choose the man she loved. Surely Steve would be on his way to Bruce as well. She had to be there. But what if Steve wasn't going to be there and she missed him.

* * *

Steve's P.O.V.:

Steve had donned his classic Black suit and tie with his white shirt. He had left the Avengers compound on Wednesday to avoid running into Bruce who had picked a small fight with him a day a go. He seemed lost and distraught and he accused him of stealing Natasha from him. Steve didn't say anything and left Bruce alone. He packed a few things and made his way to his apartment in Brooklyn. He just needed to get ready for a few days and be ready for this moment with Natasha. He needed to have it planned out. At an hour to he left for the Empire State Building.

Steve had it all set up; he had it arranged with the guards. He picked up a bouquet of roses and took the elevator to the top. It was 6:50 and the next ten minutes where going to be agonizingly slow. He couldn't resist checking his phone every few seconds. He had to see the time, see if Natasha was running late maybe. He was so anxious.

* * *

Natasha's P.O.V.:

She pulled up at the hospital and raced up to the sixth floor. She prayed Steve was already here. She found Tony pacing outside of a room and assumed that Bruce was in there.

"Tony how is he?"

"Out cold but stable-ish."

"Do you know what happened?"

"Just I know that he was experimenting with radiation, Friday wouldn't let me into the lab due to the explosion. I uhh I used a suit on auto to get him in it and to the hospital."

"What have the doctors said?"

"They put him through surgery. Tried to sew him up, but they don't know what the radiation has done to him if anything. Helen Cho is on her way here."

"And Steve?"

"What about him?"

"You called him and the rest of the team right? They are on their way right?"

"No. I didn't call anyone."

"Why?"

"I needed to get him here and that's what I focused on. I called you because you are his wife."

"Tony…we're not…he didn't tell you did he?"

"What? Tell me what?"

"We went to the Barton's farm tried to patch things up. But there were too far-gone. We officially ended it. I gave him back the rings and everything. We left on amicable terms."

"Christ he must have been heart broken. Why did you have to do that to him Romanoff?"

"Why do you presume it was my fault? He was the one who wanted to walk away, not me."

"And you don't think you did anything wrong. All of this time pinning after Steve. And now that he's back, you don't think that pushed and rubbed Bruce the wrong way, how could you let him walk away?"

"Tony you are grief stricken and don't take the anger out on me. We left amicably. I'm sorry that he didn't tell you." Tony stared at her a for a few more minutes before finally nodding and accepting that he was wrong that he didn't need to have an outburst right then.

"I'm sorry Romanoff. I just with things with Pepper a little rocky lately I just…really wanted someone besides Clint to have someone you know."

"I get it." He looked in her direction and they sat there in silence and somewhat praying to some force in the universe that Banner would be fine that everything would be okay. And then a swarm of white coats and yellow suits came to them.

"Mr. Stark, you are here for Mr. Banner correct?"

"Yes."

"And you are?" the lead doctor asked Natasha.

"His ex-wife, as of five days ago, technically still his wife on paper and next of kin."

"I see. Well I would like to explain to you what we know so far. It might be best you take a seat."

"Okay." They both said as they took a seat.

"Well I'm afraid that we don't have too many answers. But we do know that he is recovering slowly from the wounds and abrasions caused by the explosion. Internally we still don't know what is happening. The radiation has changed him in ways we are too clear about. But I understand you have an expert that has knowledge of Mr. Banner's health and past coming in."

"Yes Dr. Cho, Helen Cho."

"Well as soon as she gets here we can get to work on getting more answers. In the mean time we are moving Mr. Banner to an isolated room for radiation protocols. I'm afraid that both of you will need to be swept and detoxed to make sure that you were not over exposed to the radiation. And Mr. Stark we need to send CDC and hazard materials control into the tower to verify clean up and sweep the place for radiation levels."

"Of course anything you need. I just need to make sure that my friend wakes up. We need him." The both of them were shuffled off to a different series of rooms and curtains and they were poked and stuck with needles and wands were waved in the air. Then they were stuck in isolation until reports came back on their blood and bio-scans.

* * *

Steve's P.O.V.:

It was getting late it was almost 8:00 and Natasha still hadn't shown. He kept rationalizing that she was just stuck in traffic that maybe she was still coming that she felt what he did that she would choose him. He called her several times each going to voice mail. Suddenly as his watched beeped 8:00 and sun finished setting he lost hope. He realized that he was wrong and that he had her answer. Christ how could he be so stupid. He was just the other guy after all. She was a married woman, supposedly happily and what did he think, that he could just waltz back into her life and sweep her off her feet take her when she didn't even belong to him. Bruce was right he did try to steal Natasha and he was stupid to think that maybe he won. It was clear now though. He had lost and it was time he moved on. He called her one last time in a last ditch effort. When her voicemail picked up he had his answer and his resolve broke.

"Well Steve there is your answer." He said out loud. He picked up the roses off of the perch on the side and threw them into the trashcan rather violently. He wasn't alone; a dozen or so tourists were up there and stared at him with longing and sadness. Even if they didn't know he was Captain America it still was a sad moment when a man was stood up at this romantic place.

"God how could I be so stupid. I mean the man out time, why would she even think about choosing me. So stupid." Steve repeated it a hundred times he tried to make sense of their night together, maybe he was wrong and he read the situation wrong. He just, he needed to get away for a while, clear his head, _mend his shattered heart_. Steve arrived at his apartment and began to pack up.

* * *

 **See you next time on Parallel Lines. Thanks for reading R &R. **


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